Hello and welcome to my little spot on the net.
I’m a North American woman who has been wrestling with a shopping problem for several years now. Actually, it’s officially a decade and a half this year- how sad is that? I’m relieved to say my style has flourished yet extremely embarrassed to admit how far in debt I’ve fallen.
Choosing a title for this blog sparked a lot of ideas and theories. It made me recognize even more that my problem with consumerism isn’t a simple one. It’s a complex web, so the Serial Shopper, the Compulsive Patron or even the ever popular Shopaholic just wouldn’t represent this space properly.
I don’t really like the term shopaholic. I can’t help but think of cute things, like pink dresses, dainty handbags and 6 inch high heels, none of which I own myself. The name Shopaholic has also been tied to humorous tales of people falling into debt in funny ways and then selling their things and living happily ever after- all while wearing adorable cardigans, name brand skinny jeans and Jimmy Choo pumps. Again, it’s not real or at least, it’s not my reality.
I’ve come to suspect that we are all unwittingly bound to society by a social contract and within that contract there are several guidelines regarding how we contribute financially. In order for the wheel of capitalism to continue spinning and the economy to flourish, we need to spend. We are encouraged by all sorts of methods, mediums and booby-traps to spend, spend, spend and to do it beyond our means. This is not to say I am relinquishing myself of all financial responsibility. I would like to be especially clear on this point- I am responsible for my debt, no ifs, ands or buts about it. My goal here is to examine how many different elements are at play. These elements are working against me and my wallet therefore I must arm myself to navigate among the sharks. I want to change my perception of myself and how I live, participate and contribute within our society and to do so, I must begin by breaking my contract.
I’ve set a goal- as of September 1st, 2012- this past Saturday, I have made a commitment to myself to stop all unnecessary spending. Since this is not my first rodeo, I know that in order to insure success I must grow and become more aware of the elements at play. This is the reason I’ve decided to take this experience to the internet and share it. I’ve chosen this domain (couldn’t resist the internet pun) to broaden my knowledge as to why we shop and better yet, why we do so in such excessive amounts and with such compulsive behaviors. In order to change my behavior, I need to understand what influences it from the get-go. I don’t want to get ahead of myself. As I sit here writing this I know no one out there knows I’m writing this but hopefully more and more like minded people will gravitate to this space and we can learn and share from one another.
I would be happy and grateful for your thoughts. Let the games begin!
Tally: Aside from groceries, no non-essential spending to speak of to date.
Breaking The (Shopping) Contract 
I am very proud of you Missy, and kudos to you!. Miss Mtl may be sad not to be getting cast-offs lol anymore, but the joy you will feel being free is amazing!!!! you will overcome all that is dragging you down at the moment. You WILL find an end to this (but apparently putting your cr. card in the freezer has not panned out well!) Debt is a killer, and if it keeps you thinking about it and awake at nights….call me, cause I’m up too lol!!! You have broken your contract just by this posting, now go make it REAL!! :O))) Day by day, it will be better………it’s not easy, but you will do it. And seeing that we are NOT the same size lol………….go for it! Very proud! Good start! and you’ll be able to come visit, down under with all the $$ you’ve amassed!!
xo
Loved reading this! I can totally relate! It’s so hard to live in the moment without going out of your means sometimes. I always wonder if it is better to enjoy something and pay later or just not get to experience it at all because you can’t afford it! xxx
One of my favourite quotes (and I actually live by it) is, “Debt is the slavery of the free”. (Pubilius Syrus). Good for you!
I’ve been thinking a lot about this subject too, and for me there are many things at play. At first shopping is an addiction for me. There is truly a rush when buying something. I have noticed how hard it is for me to go past any garage sale and not look. There might be that one unique thing there that will make me happy, which leads me to the next reason for shopping and that is “to avoid unpleasant feelings or to make me happy”. I do not put myself into debt when I shop. I shop at garage sales and second hand stores, but how many sundresses can one wear and how often have I found things in my cupboard that I have never worn! And even though I do the second hand thing, I spend a lot of money and TIME, which is ENERGY that can be spent on better things. But I love shopping and I have a lot of fun doing it with my friends!!! However, deep in my heart I know this to be a wasteful activity that I truly want to change to become a more evolved person. I have also notice that since I have given up alcohol my shopping has increased–I would label that as cross addiction. And I would like to point out here, that anyone who knows me would never think that I am out of control with either of these activities. I like your idea of “contract.” And especially the idea of breaking my contract or whatever it is that creates this impulse to shop. So, I will be visiting your blog to get some insights and inspirations! Pia
Ladies, welcome to the space and thank you so much for yours comments and thoughts.
@Kat: How true. I appreciate the words and will be sharing that.
@Pia: Welcome, I’m glad you found me. It sounds as if you and I are dealing with very similar emotions and compulsions. Good for you for not going into debt. It really is the worst and personally difficult to swallow as it’s not at all aligned with the work I’ve done here and abroad. I’ve fundraised for education projects in Ethiopia, medical centers in Mali and co-founded income generating projects in Rwanda among a genocide orphan community. I’m ashamed on how I’ve spent my own funds.
You are right on, we can be more evolved and utilize our time, energy and skills towards more productively. I don’t need to support our economy single handedly with my nursing salary 🙂
I wish I had discovered the world of thrift shopping earlier on. It’s funny, I buy new and used items, they are never very expensive, but it’s the amount I buy and the frequency that kills me. It’s interesting as it always seems to come back to the compulsive factor. I’m finishing up my next entry on body image, which I believe to be one of the many driving forces. Thank you for sharing.
I’m feeling a little inspired to do the same. I have a problem with not spending. I spend too much on frivolous things. And really, I need to stop if I’m going to teach my children anything about spending better. No one took the time to teach me as a child, and I think this is partly the reason why saving money has taken me so long to learn. On that note, today I will make a conscious effort to spend money on only essential things, and nothing else.
I’d understand having children to care for to be the best incentive to spend funds wisely but also knowing how much they learn through observation would be the extra kick. I know that moderation is key but there’s nothing wrong with being more stingy than not. You have some happy and healthy kids- you’re doing an awesome job, mom! 😉
I started at the beginning and read all the way through to get caught up with where you are. Love the blog, and good luck. It’s hard. I like to think I have finally come to terms with my own relationship with fashion/shopping/money. I look forward to reading about your progress.
Thank you, Erin. I’m so appreciative that people like yourself are reading, relating and enjoying it 🙂 Always welcoming tips, so please continue to follow and share.
I’ve lived through distinct phases in my clothes shopping.
Phase 1: I had a great body and lots of time to shop, but no money. The lean years.
Phase 2: I still had a decent body and extra money, but no time to shop. Because I had kids.
Phase 3: I had plenty of money and oodles of time, but my body was shot. Nothing looked good.
Phase 4: Today I have none of the above. I shop in my closet and hope for the best.
Sigh.
I understand what you’re saying but when we think about it…what is a “great body”? We come in all shapes and sizes and I believe that buying clothes that compliment and fit our body types is more important and beautiful than buying what looks good on the mannequin, the model or a girlfriend. I bet that you’ve accumulated some lovely pieces over the years and weeding out processes. Continue to enjoy your clothes and I hope you feel satisfied with how YOU look in them.
All the best and please continue reading and sharing with me.
Sincerely,
Lady T
I am so happy to find this blog and articles on shopping. I’ve tried to explore if I’m shopping addicted but I don’t fit the popular criteria. I’m not in debt, don’t have lots of stuff around, I just buy the very best I can afford, the very best I can find which keeps me constantly shopping for the very best of whatever I see I’m in love with that day. By my definition of shopping addicted, I am guilty as charged. I don’t always buy something when I go shopping but there is that expectation or I doubt I would go. Today I bought a vintage, cement Flamingo-yes Flamingo. He’s faded, the detail in the cement is fabulous and he went into my home and he fits well with the french flavor of the furniture. If I hadn’t been there I would never have known, he wasn’t expensive and he makes me smile. Did I need him, no, did I want him, not until I saw him, am I happy I have him yes and apparently so did the lady who owned him before me because his rough cement bottom has been covered over the soft flannel so he can be safety put on tables–one less step I need to take. I’m not even going to wash the gritty stuff sluffing off of him. My mother and grandmother shared that addiction with me. Even though they are gone when I get in my car I feel I am carrying them with me, and they are shopping too—and who knows, perhaps I am. I am going to read this blog every day, keep a purchase log and have fond memories of when I shop. Thanks for this blog!